picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
