party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
