Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize