Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
