Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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