someone get that fucking seahorse.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize