Pappa wants mamma naked
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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