I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
