hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Non-Jews are for practice
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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