she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize