I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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