4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
