when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
