Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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