i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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