do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
