Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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