Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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