can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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