Whod you bang
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
