True but thats because hes a fetus.
she looked like the before picture.
My balls are so social today.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize