you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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