omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
