Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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