I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
