david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
