Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
