If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
