Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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