Christians are straight up FREAKS
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
