So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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