ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
