Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
