winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
