we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
