the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
