I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
