I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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