Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize