oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
