she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
