If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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