So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
ttyl tear gas
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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