If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
