he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
