I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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