Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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