I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
