If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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