Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
