So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
