they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
