youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
