How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
