ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
