i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
