Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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