I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
