I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
