i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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