im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
