shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
