Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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