How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
