I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
