So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
