Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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