I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
