I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize