well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
