My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
if only i could text you this smell
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
