Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
